April 1, 20220 mins read
If you know Snyk, you know that our platform helps you keep your applications secure using industry-leading security intelligence. To date, we’ve helped countless developers truly bring the “Sec'' into their DevSecOps. But we’ve been searching for a way to reach higher and go further with our security-enhancing strategies. We wanted to provide the ultimate security platform for all of your business data, making it immune to any attack, from any angle, at any time. After years of development, we’re excited to announce that we’re launching that very product. Today, we proudly present Snyk Ultimate Security (SUS) — a product that makes all of your data impenetrable in perpetuity (perpetually).
SUS offers a three-tier system for making your entire software development lifecycle more secure than you’ve ever imagined possible.
Tier one: Conquer your servers
SUS takes care of protecting your data from malicious actors at the most fundamental level: it turns off all of your servers. Servers that aren’t running can’t be compromised! After your servers are shut down, all access to your data is gone. Your sensitive information will be safer than the Diamond Diadem in the Queen of England's crown. Jewels might be safe in a vault – but your data is even safer on an inoperative server. No network connections, no stolen IP addresses, no compromised repositories. Just a bunch of shut-down servers sitting quietly, like meditating yogis at a silent retreat.
Tier two: Reconfigure the minds of your workforce
Studies show that human error is the cause of 95% of cybersecurity breaches. SUS solves this problem at the source by wiping the memory of your entire workforce (using a mostly painless, semi-non-invasive process). When your employees don’t know your information, they can’t leak it. No over-the-shoulder password stealing, company secrets coming up during conversation at happy hour, or sensitive customer information accidentally woven into an off-hand remark. The minds of your team will be information-free. This effectively seals off the data source that cyber criminals rely on most.
Tier three: Cleanse brick and mortar environments
Tier three of SUS takes care of securing any leftover data or overlooked sensitive information... by demolishing your physical workspace. The program uses the latest wrecking ball technology to obliterate office buildings, followed by sophisticated pyrotechnic systems that destroy any remaining file cabinets, desks, papers, furniture, and water coolers (as well as beer taps if you work out of that kind of office [looking at you San Fran]). This leaves no physical trace of your company, which means there is no physical trace of your data. There’s nothing to hack!
Make your apps untouchable
SUS leaves nothing but a clean slate: no accessible data sitting on your servers, retained in the minds of your employees, or traceable in your workspace. And best of all, it’s incredibly cost effective, because you only have to run the program once! Remember, even the most sophisticated hackers can’t attack data that no longer exists.
Happy April Fools' Day! We know security isn't something to mess around with, and that's why we take it so seriously here at Snyk (except for today in this blog... and maybe a few other blogs). Built on industry-leading security intelligence, our platform secures your code, dependencies, containers, and IaC in real-time right from the tools and workflows you already use. That may sound too good to be true, but we promise we're not joking! Sign up today for free and start securing your applications with the security platform developers love.